The Art of Letting Go...

From the desk of Karine Johnston, LICSW CCA

As I sit with clients in therapy and listen to their important stories, every week a theme seems to emerge.  A topic that folks commonly touch on for that week. As though we were all connected cosmically, many of us appear to experience the same struggles around the same time. How neat!

This week’s theme was about loss.

As I sat and counseled folks around the loss of a loved one this week, I was particularly touched by one lovely lady who recently lost 3 family members back to back after selflessly caring for each of them for months in her own home!

Her gift of generosity and compassionate touched me so deeply and reminded me that there are still some really good people in the world!

It also reminded me personally of my own grief of loosing my mother suddenly and unexpectedly 22 months ago.

Damn grief can be a be-atch 🤭. Wouldn’t you agree?

There comes a time in the grief process or in any conflict for that matter, that WE CAN chose to let it go. Yes, we all have the ability to DECIDE that it’s time to let go.

But it’s not just about saying “I’m letting go of that difficulty now”, it’s also about doing something that correlates with that thought.

If you’d like to learn more about how to let go…. Then keep on reading my friend.

Have you heard of rituals of letting go? Or actions that are intentionally designed to let go of emotional and psychological stuff?

These are powerful actions that have tremendous impact on our psyche. And they’ve been used by humans since the beginning of time.

They are quite effective at moving you forward from the inner turmoil experienced after loss, and whenever you have a conflict with someone that either

A. you can’t work out with that person as they are dead or
B. that person is unwilling or incapable of working out the conflict with you.

These “letting go rituals” can also be used if you are having inner struggles within your own self, such as issues around self-worth, feeling not good enough, feeling ashamed, feeling guilty (I’m talking about real guilt, not false guilt here), and feeling hurt.

So how to you do this ritual of letting go?

Feel free to tweak this as you wish, but these are the general guidelines:

1. Pick something tangible that represents that person, that relationship, that struggle. Something like a picture of you and your mother, a gift you received from your father, or other object that reminds you of the person you are letting go of or that represents the conflict and turmoil you wish to move past.

2. Write down your intention for this ritual on a piece of paper. It can go something like this…

I love you so much X and you will live on in my heart forever. I am choosing to move beyond the grief of losing you as it has been creating unnecessary turmoil within myself and I know you do not want me to suffer any longer. I am not forgetting you or our love, I am simply choosing to move past the turmoil caused by the grief. I accept that you have graduated from this earth school and I celebrate your life and all we experienced together. I also thank mother earth for recycling my grief as I burn (or bury, or launch afloat) this picture (object, letter…)….

Or,

This object represents the struggle we have had in our relationship... it hurt me deeply when you did X, and I am done with holding on to this hurt… I wish to move past it for myself so I can continue moving forward and growing. I burn this object (or bury it) as a symbol of my decision to move past the pain and to give myself the gift of letting go….


3. Go out in nature, and decide if you wish to burn the picture, bury the object, or launch it down the river (in a little floating boat you create) so Mother Nature can RECYCLE this energy for you. This is a very powerful step to allow the earth to recycle this energy for you. SHE is always there to support you. Really!

4. Allow the tears to flow, the angry or frustration to move through you as you stay really present in this ritual. Feel your feelings. But avoid remaining attached to them. Just let them flow through you.

5. Thank the earth. Really, thank her.

Now, just thinking about this ritual is NOT GOOD ENOUGH! You must act out this ritual to gain the most benefits. Do not underestimate the power of this little ritual at helping you let go of the stuff that you have been holding onto needlessly.

I personally have used it many times, and it’s one of those things that continues to keep me resilient in the face of adversity. I want you to be resilient too.

It’s time to let it go …. Give yourself this gift right now so you can experience relief and happiness again.

Much love,

Karine J